i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
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She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
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I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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