All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
No subtext here. People are naked.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
