are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
