I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
