Do vagina's smell?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
