Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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