This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
