i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
