Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
