I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
