Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
