I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
