How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
