fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
