The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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