My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
