Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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