She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
