I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
