I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
