apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I look better un-naked...
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize