I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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