I think I am morally bankrupt
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
