worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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