i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
