Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
