I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
