My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
