I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
