I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
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