who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize