I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
time to smoke my breakfast
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
