...so i touched it.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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