Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
