i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
