Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you traded sex for a burrito?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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