Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
