Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
