I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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