You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
