Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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