so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
