is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
