We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
