Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
