Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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