I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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