hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
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I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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