I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
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Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
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I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
soo... how was my night?
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