Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
