Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
