She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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