bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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