Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
