so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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