i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
