Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
