help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
