I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
