Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
