I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
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