I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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