i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
