Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
