I didn't shave. On purpose
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
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