Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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