the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
