the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
