I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
