Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
