My balls are so social today.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
