Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(561): View more from Florida

So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.

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(561): So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon. http://tfl.nu/ni4o

Replies (10) Good night (3336) Bad night (602)
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(914): View more from New York

Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!

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(914): Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?! http://tfl.nu/ay46

Replies (20) Good night (2411) Bad night (942)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.

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(617): i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good. http://tfl.nu/gykq

Replies (116) Good night (6466) Bad night (1393)
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(904): View more from Florida

I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.

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(904): I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here. http://tfl.nu/eefr

Replies (30) Good night (8165) Bad night (790)
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(514): View more from Quebec

Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.

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(514): Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife. http://tfl.nu/v3gi

Replies (12) Good night (3145) Bad night (962)
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(914): View more from New York

this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.

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(914): this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute. http://tfl.nu/nd35

Replies (23) Good night (1418) Bad night (3191)
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(304): View more from West Virginia

I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.

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(304): I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird. http://tfl.nu/9ztz

Replies (9) Good night (871) Bad night (2181)
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(802): View more from Vermont

stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes

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(802): stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes http://tfl.nu/hzj5

Replies (16) Good night (838) Bad night (2093)
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(415): View more from California

Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!

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(415): Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM! http://tfl.nu/lg7j

Replies (5) Good night (700) Bad night (2219)
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(562): View more from California

We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable

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(562): We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable http://tfl.nu/eg4m

Replies (3) Good night (1826) Bad night (509)
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(651): View more from Minnesota

I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.

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(651): I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen. http://tfl.nu/sts0

Replies (0) Good night (632) Bad night (294)
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(917): View more from New York City

I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food

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(917): I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food http://tfl.nu/2i31

Replies (4) Good night (402) Bad night (538)
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(917): View more from New York City

I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina

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(917): I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina http://tfl.nu/n2kg

Replies (3) Good night (998) Bad night (553)
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(727): View more from Florida

He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.

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(727): He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again. http://tfl.nu/phzx

Replies (8) Good night (1259) Bad night (272)
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(651): View more from Minnesota

I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.

(715): View more from Wisconsin

I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.

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(651): I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant. (715): I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40. http://tfl.nu/ewh2

Replies (3) Good night (690) Bad night (468)

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