if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.