Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
