Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.