he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.