All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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