Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
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