Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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