dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
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It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
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She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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