If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
