Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
