so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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