this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
