real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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