Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
