We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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