I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
