So drunk its hurt
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
