he shaved USA in his pubs
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
