everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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