I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You ate ashes out of my bong
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
